Many parents go through a period where they struggle to understand what their children are telling them.   In more challenging situations, parents can have a hard time connecting with their babies.  I often suggest they try considering these times in a new framework.  Consider parenting to be a dance.

Starting from the first moment you hold your infant in your arms, you have to learn about your partner.  Parents must consider the way their children move, the way they speak, sound, and smell.  What type of rhythm do they like?  And just to make it slightly more complicated, each partner or child is different, and as children grow and develop, the dance changes a bit.  Then slowly but surely, you learn how to move fluidly together.

Little by little, you begin to understand who your babies and children are, what works for them, and how to enhance their development and interactions.   You learn the signals that the music is about to change, when to take a step closer and when to take a step back.  Over the years you begin to easily recognize when you partner needs to perform solo, and when only a parent partner will make the dance seamless.  Parenting is a living entity.  Allow for the time to reflect on your partner and the dance.  You’ll be “dancing with the stars” before you know it.  You can do this.

No matter how you choose to do it, at what point in your child’s life or with which method. there is one important thing to keep in mind during sleep training: you are giving your child the opportunity to learn how to soothe him or her self.  This is a life long skill.  It is a skill that takes time to learn.  Longer for some children than others.  My technique uses routine, consistency, and individual needs to help children learn to soothe themselves to sleep.  Most importantly, I rely on the belief that the vast majority of children have the ability to learn this skill.  Once we have made a plan, I often tell parents: Just when you feel like you can’t listen to them as they ”work it out” any longer, wait a few more seconds before you rush in.  Send your child the message that you know they can do this!  Give them some time to figure it out.  You’ll both have learned something valuable in the long run.

If you have specific questions about sleep training, when to begin, the techniques I use, or simply need some support please email me at dana@danaskids.com

Didn’t make it to an event or workshop in 2011?  Don’t worry!  Here is a list of some of what is coming up early in 2012.

(For more information and to sign up, click on the name of the event.)

Wednesday January 11th with Babybites Brooklyn:

Positive Discipline and Dealing With Temper Tantrums (birth-3)

Tuesday January 17th with TLB Music:

Positive Discipline and Dealing with Temper Tantrums (birth-3)

Tuesday February 7th with TLB Music:

Creating A Sibling Symphony

Wednesday March 7th with TLB Music:

Responsive Parenting and the Value of a Flexible Routine (birth-6)

1. Art Activities- Turn that old, or new, pizza box inside out and upside down to make an easel.  Tape paper to one side and let your children paint or draw at their very own tabletop easel.  Or create a collage.  You can put chalkboard contact paper on one side so that children can use chalk.  Cut out the shape of a picture frame and let your children create their own gift for someone special.  Lay the box and you have a disposable messy tray that keep glue, paint, and materials in a contained spot.  Terrific for very young children as they are introduced to art materials and play dough.  The possibilities are endless!

2. Make a Tunnel- Children will love driving cars, trains and other vehicles under and through and upside down pizza box.  They can paint or color the outside to decorate it.  A great way to expand your child’s play.

3. Storage- How many pieces of artwork do your children come home with each day?  And where do you store it?  Pizza boxes are the perfect place to put drawings, collages and other artwork so that they don’t get crushed.  Simply label the outside with your child’s name and the year and put it up on a shelf.  You can stack them year after year.  You can also store rubber or foam stamps, as well as are projects that need to be completed at another time.

4. Special Needs- Cardboard boxes are being used to make adaptations for children with special needs.  From slant boards to inserts for chairs, cardboard from a pizza box is an inexpensive way to support your child’s development.  Read more at: http://earth911.com/news/2010/10/07/innovative-cardboard-designs-benefit-special-needs-children/

5. Dramatic Play- The uses of a cardboard pizza box in this area are endless.  Children can make paper pizzas and create their own restaurant and delivery service.  Pizza boxes can become building blocks or roofs, ramps and floors for structures your children have already built.  You can even create a puppet theatre for and with your children by cutting a window in one side of the box.  Add curtains and let the children decorate it.  This works particularly well with finger puppets.

*Bonus Activity-Cut circles or squares in one side, big enough for a bean bag or small ball.  Turn the box upside down, let your children decorate it and you’ve created your own toss game, like one you might find at a carnival!

You’ll be armed for cold and flu season this year with CleanWell Disinfectants To-Go.

Your kids touch thousands of places in the course of ONE DAY, that means you need CleanWell in your bag!  Whether it’s cleaning up toys after a play date with a pal who has a runny nose or wiping down the high chair or table at your favorite place to grab a bite, you’re covered.  CleanWell Disinfectant Sprays and Wipes kill 99.99% of germs*; cleans, disinfects, & deodorizes (kills the influenza A virus too). At CleanWell careful consideration goes into everything we do.  We’d love for you to read the back of the label of the disinfectant you use today and then read our label.  We think you’ll see why CleanWell is the better way to clean!

Find CleanWell at a store near you or on our website and like us on facebook and twitter for great ideas, contests and promotions!   Can’t wait to get to a store?  Use code CWECQ4 at checkout on our website for 20% off thru December 31st!  Stock up now, the deal won’t last!

A Note from Dana:  The products I include on my website are ones I feel strongly about.  I use Cleanwell products in my classroom, on the toys I use during sessions with clients, and on my hands before I begin any work with children and families.  I believe in the work they do and the products they offer.  I hope you’ll give them a try.

When children are about 18 months old, they can repeat the phrase “thank you.”  While they will not truly understand what it means until they are about 3, and will probably need prompting to use the phrase for quite some time after that, it is essential to make the words and the sentiment part of their environment from infancy.  Do you say thank you to the mailman?  The doorman?  The bank teller?  Involve your children when you help others.  Thank them when they have been cooperative.  Ask your young child to help draw pictures for a thank you card and write down the words they would like to say.

Many families have a tradition of asking each member what they are thankful for.  Young children sometimes have difficulty answering the question.  Try reframing it as “Who do you say thank you to?” or “What do you say thank you for?”

Be sure to model gratitude and empathy.

When children live it, they learn it!

For all of you in the throes of potty training, a little comic relief…

A three year old boy is sitting on the toilet.  His mother thinks he has been in there too long, so she goes in to see what’s up.  The little boy is sitting on the toilet reading a book, but about every 15 seconds or so, he puts the book down, grips on to the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself on top of his head with his right hand.

His mother says, “Billy, are you all right? You’ve been in here for a while.’

Billy says, “I’m fine, Mommy.  I just haven’t gone potty yet.”

Mother says, “Ok, you can stay here for a few more minutes.  But, Billy, why are you hitting yourself on the head?”

Billy says, “Works for ketchup!”

Some children will resist because an activity is new.  This may be the first time they are going to a class where a parent or caregiver leaves the room.  Perhaps this is the first time they have tried this particular activity or its “just one of those days.”  In these cases, I would recommend trying to stick with the activity.  Many times persistence through the initial hesitation will result in a child loving the activity!

It is helpful to remember that a “commitment” for a young child may be shorter than a full 6 or 12 week session.  (Whether or not you can afford to do that financially is another question.)  If your child is resistant, worries, or appears fearful, go and watch a class.  Tell your child that you are going to “try one more time.”  You might encourage them by saying that you are going to stay and watch, or even that you’ll come in with them,  While observing, note whether the class is developmentally appropriate.  Are the instructions clear?  Are they asking very young children to wait while many other children have a turn?  Are the children being engaged by the teacher?  How does the teacher react when a child is hesitant or not following instructions?  Sometimes children just aren’t sure what they’ve gotten themselves into.  If you can understand why your child isn’t happy, it may be time to stop the activity.

Ideally, when signing your child up for an activity, take a trial class first.  This way both of you will have the experience to make an informed choice.  Participating in group activities can teach children innumerable values.  But don’t forget to take into account that children need down time.  Unstructured time at the park or at home is just as important as being sure your child is taking classes.  A parent is the expert on their child.  Use your knowledge and try to make wise choices.  Adjustments can always be made.  You can do this!

Many parents today are concerned about disciplining their children.  Some don’t want to be “mean,” others don’t want to “damage” their children.  Some want to be “friends” with their kids, and others just aren’t sure how to do it.  The key in positive discipline and limit setting is to teach cooperation!  You can start teaching this to your child when he or she is a baby!  Praise positive behavior!  Give them specific and authentic compliments.  Set up opportunities for them to do something “right” and then recognize it.

Different children need different levels of discipline.  Consistency in setting limits is essential, as is giving your children ideas about what they “can do” instead of only what they “can’t do.” Our goal with discipline is to help children internalize pro-social behavior.  I often liken it to swaddling.  Before a baby is able to soothe him or herself, we swaddle them.  Once they are a bit older, we leave their arms out of the swaddle, so that they can work on controlling their hands and arms and start to learn to self soothe.  Eventually, we remove the swaddling all together as babies become better able to control their movements and more deliberately calm themselves.  Consistent limit setting helps young children feel safe.  In time, the concepts we have actively taught our children, will become a part of them instrinsically.

Bottom line…know what expectations are developmentally appropriate for your child, fight the battles worth winning, and be consistent in your reactions.  Acknowledge your childs emotions, but do not tolerate unacceptable behavior.  Teach them to manage their emotions.   Teach them what is and is not okay in your family.  Support them as they learn self-control.  Reinforce their positive behavior.  Children cannot do this on their own.  They need grownups.  Positive discipline and limit setting gives children a lifelong gift!  Start giving to your child today!