Behavior | Dana's Kids

Review: Building Self-Control, The American Way

A Fun Way To Teach Cooperation!

ADD and Medication: A Reaction to L. Alan Sroufe’s NY Times Article

Tips To Tame Tantrums!

New Event: Tuesday February 7th, 2012 at 6pm

What Do You Mean Sensory Issues?

The Parenting Dance

Giving Thanks

Discipline Is Not A Bad Word!

Dana’s Kids Will Be At The New Parents Expo on October 15 & 16, 2011

Events

Dana Rosenbloom, M.S. Ed.

Events

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Last Sunday the NY Times published an opinion piece in response to this past years’ focus on international parenting techniques. The unifying factor of many of these practices is helping children learn self-control and self-discipline. Throughout my blog posts and workshops you will find that I repeatedly emphasize the important of positive discipline that leads to self-discipline, specific praise that reinforces appropriate behavior and self control, as well as providing children with the opportunity and skills to make their needs known. The article reiterates these ideas and explains that this does not have to be done with adult pressure but rather adult presence, reflection and recognition of a child’s interests, and acknowledgement of desired behavior.

Internal motivation is key. Modeling how to express ones self and ones emotions, as well as using play, are positive ways to create teachable moments that don’t have adults hovering, or shoving concepts and rules down children’s throats. This is not the way we manage or teach adults and it is not the way we should with children either. Throughout our days with children there are opportunities for them to work on self-control, social skills, and self-esteem. Help them take advantage of these times and practice these skills. You, your child, and the world around us will benefit.

NY Times Article: Building Self-Control, the American Way

by: Sandra Aamodt and Sam Wang

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/19/opinion/sunday/building-self-control-the-american-way.html?_r=1&pagewanted=all

adult modeling, Building Self-Control the American Way, expressing emotions, parenting, self-control, self-discipline, specific praise, teachable moments

When teaching cooperation, the first thing to consider is whether your expectations are developmentally appropriate. Taking a 2 year old into a clothing store while you shop after they’ve been in their stroller for 40 minutes, and expecting them to continue to stay in the stroller, is not developmentally appropriate or reasonable. Here are some suggestions I make for parents who are trying to teach their children to be cooperative:

#1-Inside Voices-When a child is being loud in a place where you’d rather they use a quieter voice, make it a game. Ask them “Can you say that in a whisper?” “Can you say that like an animal might?” Before you take your child to quieter places play a Quiet-Loud game. Say a word loudly and say it quietly. (You can also do this with instruments.) Practice a whisper, an outside voice, and an inside voice. Remind them of these different voices before you go in to a restaurant or library.

#2- Sharing- This could truly be a post of its own but consider this…If a friend came to your house and wanted to borrow a cup of sugar and your best china, you probably wouldn’t think twice about the sugar and might feel some anxiety about the china. This is not dissimilar from how young children feel about their possessions. When your child has a play date, have them put away 3-5 toys that they do not have to or want to share, and 3-5 that they want to play with their friend. Stick with them during the play date and help support your child. Reassure them that you will make sure that everyone has a turn. Next time they’ll find “sharing” easier.

#3-Grocery Shopping- Rather than saying “no” every time they point to, or pick up, an item, play “I Spy” or give them part of the list. Children have brand recognition from a very young age. ”Can you point to the Cheerios?” “Where do you see the carrots?” “Can you find the cookies with the pink wrapper?” Older children can help cut the packaging from empty containers or ads to make their own shopping list. This idea works at home too. Toddlers, in particular, love to help! They can find matching socks while you do laundry and sort mixed up toys into containers.

Have specific questions or frustrations? Have a great tip to share? Get in touch! dana@danaskids.com

behavior, consistency, cooperation, parenting, tips

By now many of us have read L. Alan Sroufe’s opinion on the use of medication for people, specifically children, with ADD. He discusses the short term benefit and his belief that in the long term they do nothing for behavior or concentration. He describes ADD as “problems with attention, self-regulation and behavior.” Perhaps most strikingly he cites environment and “parental intrusiveness” as causes for Attention Deficit Disorder. Now, I am not a researcher or doctor, and will not attempt to dispute medical findings (though having read many studies, I wonder what details may have been left out of this article to prove a point). But in the same way that blaming autism on the “refrigerator mother” was a harmful generalization, misleading, insensitive, and useless, so to is this.

Giving medication to children with ADD should be a choice made by an individual family, for their individual child, with the help of their individual doctor. In my work I have seen both children who benefit greatly from medication and those for whom medication has been ineffective. I have seen medication give children the concentration they need to learn coping strategies for managing their “inattention, self-regulation, and behavior” that they otherwise would not have been able to learn. Again, I won’t argue with medical findings Sroufe includes in his article (though they should be read in full before I”d confirm their value), but in my opinion, he spends far too much time discounting possible remedies and placing blame, rather than offering ways to help.

Below, a link to the original article, a sensitive, well-written, thought-provoking reaction from a parent (one without a child with ADD), and two point by point rebuttals from Harold S. Koplewicz, MD and Edward Hallowell, MD. Have a thought? Reaction? Success or challenge with an ADD/ADHD “treatment?” Please share it here!

NY Times Opinion: Ritalin Gone Wrong

by: L. Alan Sroufe

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/29/opinion/sunday/childrens-add-drugs-dont-work-long-term.html?_r=1

NY Times Motherlode: If Ritalin Has ‘Gone Wrong,’ What’s the Right Way to Cope?

by: KJ Dell’Antonia

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/01/30/if-ritalin-has-gone-wrong-whats-the-right-way-to-cope/

“Righting the Record on Ritalin: Why the slam on medications for ADHD is misleading”

by: Harold S. Koplewicz, MD. President Child Mind Institute

http://www.childmind.org/en/posts/articles/2012-1-30-adhd-righting-record-stimulant-medications

Ritalin Redux: This popular and beneficial ADHD medication gets a bad rap

by: Edward Hallowell, MD.

http://www.additudemag.com/adhdblogs/11/9378.html

ADD and medication, ADD strategies, ADHD strategies, Dana's Kids and ADD, L. Alan Sroufe and ADD, Motherlode and ADD, parenting children with ADD, parenting special needs, reactions to NY Times

Recently, in many of my parent groups and private sessions, tantrums seem to be the topic of choice. Tantruming is not new to childhood but it seems that every day an expert has a new way to end your child’s tantrums. I say stick with the tried and true…

Before your child tantrums, think about what sets them off. Why does he or she tantrum? Think about where your child is developmentally. Is your 3 year old having a tantrum because you won’t give him something he wants? Is your 19 month old tantruming because she’s lost control of herself?

When a toddler has a tantrum it is often because they are melting down, tired, or hungry. Whatever the cause, a toddler does not have the tools to calm their bodies and regain control on their own. They need you. At this age I recommend that you sit on the floor next your child, tell them you see they are having a hard time and that you are going to help them calm down. Some like to be held, others do not want to be touched. You can ask your child what they prefer, or just try what you think might work and see what happens. To be clear, this doesn’t mean to give in if the child is demanding something, it just means that you are giving your child what they need. Something, at that moment, that a toddler can not do for themselves.

As your child gets older, think about their temperament and try these techniques:

Reflect your child’s emotions. Bend down so that you are level with their eyes. Try saying, “You are so mad (fill in the emotions) right now. I know you really wanted that 5th scoop of ice cream but you may not have it. I understand that makes you feel angry and sad.” Then move on. Give your child a choice, should we play with blocks next or take out the crayons.

Give positive alternatives. Explain to your child that banging that block on his infant brother’s head is not a choice, but he can bang the block on another block, or play the drums if he feels like banging. Remind your child that banging on another person’s body is not safe. Ask, “where do you think is a safe place to bang?”

Keep it light. Use a little humor to diffuse the situation. When your child is begging you not to go out to dinner, remind them that you have to come home to sleep in your bed. Ask them “Can grown-ups sleep in a restaurant? A car? On the table? No! How silly! Grown-ups have to come home to sleep in their beds.” We even use this idea during the separation process at school. When your child is having one of those delightful moaning tantrums, reflect their feelings and be silly. ”You are so mad, I wonder if you can stamp your feet as loud as I can.”

Ignore it. There are times when a child begins to have a tantrum, that the best thing you can do is simply ignore it. Check in to be sure your child is safe, but keep yourself out of the tantrum. If a tree falls in the woods and there is no one there to see it…

Remove them from the situation. This idea can be interpreted in two ways. For some children, having a conversation with their grown-up while being distracted by the item they want, the child who has it, or something else that is happening in the environment, is just too much. For these children, removing them from the situation can mean going into the next room to work through the tantrum in a quieter place. That being said, sometimes there is no other option than to remove your child from the situation entirely. If your child has gone past the point of no return, leaving will often give them the opportunity calm their bodies in a less stimulating environment and help them understand that their behavior is unacceptable.

Deciding how to deal with tantrums has a lot to do with your child’s temperament. I say this often: Parents know their children best. Think about your child and the way they handle different situations. Children give us a lot of information every day, from whether they need to be prepared for something new a week before or an hour before, to how to handle their tantrums. When a tantrum begins, assess the situation, decide on a technique, and set the limit. Do not tolerate unacceptable behavior. The consistency in your reactions to tantrums, as with any other behavior, will help your children develop their ability to regulate their own emotions and behaviors. You can do this!

More questions? Ask! dana@danaskids.com

behavior, challenges, consistency, cooperation, limit setting, parenting, parents, positive discipline, tantrums, tips, young children

Join Dana’s Kids and TLB Music for a new workshop:

“Creating A Sibling Symphony”

on Tuesday February 7th at 6pm.

During this workshop parents will find out how to prepare their child for the arrival of a new sibling. We’ll talk about when to tell your child and how to help them transition into their new role as older brother or sister. We’ll also discuss “sibling rivalry” and some of the most common reasons why children fight. Parents will learn how to help siblings resolve conflict, when to intervene, and how to encourage a positive, loving relationship between their children.

Where: TLB Music 266 E 78th Street

Tickets: $25

For More Information and To Register for this class: 212-744-0404 or threelittlebirds@tlbmusic.com

nyc parent workshops, NYC sibling relationships, sibling rivalry, siblings, TLB Music workshops

Over the years I have met many children who were either overly sensitive, or not sensitive enough, to the world around them. Today, sensory integration disorder, sensory processing disorder and sensory issues are phrases that get thrown around by educators and therapists frequently. But for parents these words can be scary and unclear. When we describe for parents some of the ways these challenges present themselves, they can begin to clearly picture their children and are relieved to know “it’s not supposed to be that way.” Struggles with sensory processing can be exhibited in a variety of ways. Young children who have a hard time managing external stimuli can be loud, aggressive and act out, they can be quiet and withdrawn, or they can be somewhere in the middle. What I try to help parents understand, is that these children are not trying to be difficult. The environments in which these children live can actually feel painful, scary, or disorienting.

I’m often hesitant to recommend reading materials for parents because most books and articles, as they should, cover the gamut of symptoms and behaviors that can be associated with sensory processing disorder. That can make them initimating and alarming. That being said, my core beliefs point towards empowering parents through education and support. I recently came across these two articles from the Child Mind Institute (the 3rd in the series of articles should be out shortly), that I thought were informative and might be helpful: ”Sensory Processing Issues Explained” and “Treating Sensory Processing Issue.” I’m also partial to Carol Stock Kranowitz’s, The Out of Sync Child and her book of activities, The Out of Sync Child Has Fun. In the past I have mentioned the SPD Blogger Network that offers an incredible online community for parents of children with sensory processing disorder to share their thoughts, concerns, challenges and triumphs. Occupational and behavior therapists, parent educators, sensory gyms, and other professionals are incredibly helpful in identifying sensory issues and supporting children, parents and families as they learn to manage these challenges and integrate coping strategies into their daily lives. If you have questions or concerns, please reach out for help. We’re here for you!

sensory gym, sensory issues, sensory processing disorder, spd, special needs, what is sensory processing, young children

Many parents go through a period where they struggle to understand what their children are telling them. In more challenging situations, parents can have a hard time connecting with their babies. I often suggest they try considering these times in a new framework. Consider parenting to be a dance.

Starting from the first moment you hold your infant in your arms, you have to learn about your partner. Parents must consider the way their children move, the way they speak, sound, and smell. What type of rhythm do they like? And just to make it slightly more complicated, each partner or child is different, and as children grow and develop, the dance changes a bit. Then slowly but surely, you learn how to move fluidly together.

Little by little, you begin to understand who your babies and children are, what works for them, and how to enhance their development and interactions. You learn the signals that the music is about to change, when to take a step closer and when to take a step back. Over the years you begin to easily recognize when you partner needs to perform solo, and when only a parent partner will make the dance seamless. Parenting is a living entity. Allow for the time to reflect on your partner and the dance. You’ll be “dancing with the stars” before you know it. You can do this.

behavior, challenges, child development, parenting, parenting dance, parenting tips, reflection

November 24th, 2011 | Posted by Dana in behavior | children | connections | parenting - (2 Comments)

Today on Thanksgiving, but really every day, it is important to think about raising children who are thankful and appreciative. How can a parent or teacher instill these traits in children?

When children are about 18 months old, they can repeat the phrase “thank you.” While they will not truly understand what it means until they are about 3, and will probably need prompting to use the phrase for quite some time after that, it is essential to make the words and the sentiment part of their environment from infancy. Do you say thank you to the mailman? The doorman? The bank teller? Involve your children when you help others. Thank them when they have been cooperative. Ask your young child to help draw pictures for a thank you card and write down the words they would like to say.

Many families have a tradition of asking each member what they are thankful for. Young children sometimes have difficulty answering the question. Try reframing it as “Who do you say thank you to?” or “What do you say thank you for?”

Be sure to model gratitude and empathy.

When children live it, they learn it!

advice, behavior, child development, educators, parents, quality time, teaching, thanksgiving, tips, young children

Many parents today are concerned about disciplining their children. Some don’t want to be “mean,” others don’t want to “damage” their children. Some want to be “friends” with their kids, and others just aren’t sure how to do it. The key in positive discipline and limit setting is to teach cooperation! You can start teaching this to your child when he or she is a baby! Praise positive behavior! Give them specific and authentic compliments. Set up opportunities for them to do something “right” and then recognize it.

Different children need different levels of discipline. Consistency in setting limits is essential, as is giving your children ideas about what they “can do” instead of only what they “can’t do.” Our goal with discipline is to help children internalize pro-social behavior. I often liken it to swaddling. Before a baby is able to soothe him or herself, we swaddle them. Once they are a bit older, we leave their arms out of the swaddle, so that they can work on controlling their hands and arms and start to learn to self soothe. Eventually, we remove the swaddling all together as babies become better able to control their movements and more deliberately calm themselves. Consistent limit setting helps young children feel safe. In time, the concepts we have actively taught our children, will become a part of them instrinsically.

Bottom line…know what expectations are developmentally appropriate for your child, fight the battles worth winning, and be consistent in your reactions. Acknowledge your childs emotions, but do not tolerate unacceptable behavior. Teach them to manage their emotions. Teach them what is and is not okay in your family. Support them as they learn self-control. Reinforce their positive behavior. Children cannot do this on their own. They need grownups. Positive discipline and limit setting gives children a lifelong gift! Start giving to your child today!

behavior, challenges, consistency, cooperation, developmentally appropriate, discpline, limit setting, parenting, parents, positive discipline, self-control, tips, young children

Dana’s Kids is proud to be an exhibitor at New York Family’s New Parents Expo on October 15 & 16, 2011 at Pier 92!

A grand family-friendly mega-show for new parents and parents-to-be from the New York Metropolitan area and beyond, the New Parents Expo will enable parents to discover many of the best products for maternity, baby, and toddler from national and local companies, and will offer an inspiring menu of lectures, seminars, and demonstrations from beloved experts in the world of family and parenting. In short, the New Parents Expo is expected to be the single biggest consumer event for parents in the nation this year.

Honoring the spirit of a show that’s all about family, the New Parents Expo will not only be helpful and informational, it will be fun, accessible, and welcoming to children.

Tickets are $35 in advance; $40 the day of the show. Click here to purchase tickets. I hope to see you there!

Dana’s Kids

empowered parents, happy families.

child development, New Parents Expo, New York Family, NY child development, NY parent education, NY parenting workshops

Dana Rosenbloom, M.S. Ed.

dana@danaskids.com

⇐ ⇒February 2012

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February 7, 2012x
Events Added: January, February, & March 2012!
11:30 am New Event Added: Tuesday February 7th, 2012 at 11:30am
6:00 pm New Event: Tuesday February 7th, 2012 at 6pm