Dana’s Kids Blog

1. The most important way to help your child feel comfortable with the idea of beginning nursery school is to make sure you are comfortable with the idea of him or her beginning nursery school.  If you have questions or concerns call the school and speak with your child’s teacher, the director, or the school’s early childhood consultant.  Children are very perceptive, if you are feeling nervous, they will most certainly feel nervous as well.
2. Start a conversation with your child about beginning school.  Mention any familiar faces they may see.  Ask them what toys they think they might play with at school.  Remind them that grownups always come back!  (There are no beds or cribs at school!)  If your child’s anxiety level seems to rise during the conversation, end it.  You can always bring it up again.  Know your child.  Some children do better with less preparation, others with more.
3. On the first day of school have one parent drop your child off.  Having to say goodbye to two parents can be far more difficult.  Also, try to make arrangements for any siblings so that they are not present for separation.  Again, watching a parent leave with a sibling can make separation harder for some young children.
4. When bringing your child to school the first day make sure they are walking once they get inside the building.  They can absolutely hold your hand as you walk in.  Walking on their own begins the process of helping your child become more independent.
5. Remember that beginning school is a process.  There is no time table.  Your child will have days where he or she will run in to the room without issue and there will be days where saying goodbye is more difficult.  Everyone separates!  Make sure you are clear about the teachers’ plan for separation and continue to let them know if you have specific concerns.  When you reunite at the end of the day remind your child that you came back, just as you said you would!

Recently, more and more early childhood programs have opened their doors to children with a variety of needs.  These integrated and inclusive communities are wonderful places for all children to learn and are fantastic in a multitude of other ways.  The law says that children with special needs must be educated in the Least Restrictive Environment (LRE).  Very often, that environment is a general education classroom, or a program or class for typically developing children.  Typically developing children serve as wonderful models for children with special needs.  Children with special needs teach typically developing children about diversity and bring a wealth of skills and education that they also model in the classroom.  I could write more about why and how the best inclusive classrooms work, but that’s not why I am writing this post. 

The truth of the matter is that more often than not, children in early childhood programs don’t recognize their peers as being different.  In fact, while we frequently discuss the things that make us each unique, we generally don’t bring up ”special needs” unless a student asks.  That is one of the joys of young children.  To them, the child with special needs is simply another friend.  The title of this post “Why does he have that?” is something I do hear occasionally from children.  I’ll hear the statement while brushing a child, if they are sitting in a chair at meeting time to help contain their body, or if they are mouthing a chewy tube for oral input.  The best part is that the typically developing child is not asking because they see that child as different, instead they are asking because they want one too!  That’s an important message.  Certainly chewy tubes can not be shared, but I will brush a typically developing child if they are curious about it. 

When children ask about an item that a child with special needs is using, I consistently respond (in a neutral, matter-of-fact tone) with “Everyone gets what they need and everyone needs something different.”  If a typically developing child wants a chair because a child with special needs is using one, I will repeat that statement and add “is that what your body needs right now?”  If they say “yes,” they may have a chair.  In this way, all children are learning to tune in to and manage their bodies and are developing the ability to evaluate and ask for what they need.  This phrase can be used during school, at afterschool classes, the park, and other times when your child with special needs is using an assistive device (for example: a PECS communication book, wheelchair, deep pressure vest, hand fidget).  It can also be helpful when your typically developing young child asks about one of these items. 

The anxiety associated with talking about special needs is usually reserved for adults.  Children consider the things they are “used to,” to be the norm.  They read your cues.  If “everyone gets what they need and everyone needs something different” is presented as a fact, children will believe it.  Let’s take a page from the young child’s handbook and simply accept the people around us for who they are.  Set the example.  If we can, the world will be a better place for us all.

(Note: As children get older or are interacting with individuals who have more severe challenges, they may have additional questions.  Keep an eye out for a post with resources to support this discussion.  Conversation is also incredibly important for the siblings of children with special needs so that they have an understanding of their brother and sister.  This will also be a topic in a separate post.)

Ahh, the two week mark at nursery school.  This is often the time that many children (even those who seemed to transition easily into nursery school) start showing some hesitation.  The novelty is starting to wear off and they begin to wonder “Wait, I have to keep going?!”  Stay calm, this is just a phase and it will pass!  Here’s the trick…keep moving forward! No matter what they say; ” I dont wanna go,” “I’m not getting dressed,” “I hate school.”  Keep moving forward.  Reflect their feelings, tell them you hear that they are saying they don’t wanna go.  If need be bring them in pajamas.  Just keep moving forward. Communication is also essential here.  Let your teachers know that your children are feeling hesitation.  Talk to the teachers about the plan for saying goodbye and stay consistent with it.   It’s important to remember to keep the same confident, positive attitude about school that you had during the “phase-in” process.  Keep moving forward and both you and your children will pass through this phase unscathed!