Review: Building Self-Control, The American Way

February 21st, 2012 | Posted by Dana in behavior | developmentally appropriate | discipline | NY Times article | parenting | parenting style | play | positive discipline | response to NY Times | self-control | self-help skills | teachable moments | Uncategorized - (0 Comments)

Last Sunday the NY Times published an opinion piece in response to this past years’ focus on international parenting techniques.  The unifying factor of many of these practices is helping children learn self-control and self-discipline.  Throughout my blog posts and workshops you will find  that I repeatedly emphasize the important of positive discipline that leads to self-discipline, specific praise that reinforces appropriate behavior and self control, as well as providing children with the opportunity and skills to make their needs known.  The article reiterates these ideas and explains that this does not have to be done with adult pressure but rather adult presence, reflection and recognition of a child’s interests, and acknowledgement of desired behavior.

Internal motivation is key.  Modeling how to express ones self and ones emotions, as well as using play, are positive ways to create teachable moments that don’t have adults hovering, or shoving concepts and rules down children’s throats.   This is not the way we manage or teach adults and it is not the way we should with children either.  Throughout our days with children there are opportunities for them to work on self-control, social skills, and self-esteem.  Help them take advantage of these times and practice these skills.  You, your child, and the world around us will benefit.

 

 

NY Times Article: Building Self-Control, the American Way

by: Sandra Aamodt and Sam Wang

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/19/opinion/sunday/building-self-control-the-american-way.html?_r=1&pagewanted=all

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Guest Post: Twinsplicity

February 13th, 2012 | Posted by Dana in child care | developmentally appropriate | infants and toddlers | love | parenting | parenting anecdotes | Parenting twins | quality time | reflection | Responsive Parenting | siblings | tips | Twin tips | Uncategorized - (0 Comments)

 

When my husband and I were dating we went on a cruise to Mexico.  On the ship, we met an amazing couple from Canada who had twin boys.  Halfway through the trip, my husband told me he would do anything to have twins.  At the time, being 22 years old and just dating, I looked at him like he was crazy!  I also explained the improbability of that happening since neither one of us has a history of twins in our family.  However, 8 years later, we’re happily married and the proud parents of 17 month old twin girls!

I know, I couldn’t believe it either!  But, after trying to get pregnant on our own for a while and not being successful, we decided we needed help.  Actually, I thought we didn’t really need help, but that once we were tested and told everything was fine, we’d just magically get pregnant.  Did I also mention that I believe in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy?  All kidding aside, getting pregnant turned out to be much harder than I thought, but after 6 months of fertility treatments, our second round of IVF worked, and twin girls arrived!

They have been the most amazing additions to my life, besides my husband, but it has been challenging to say the least!  Anyone out there going through fertility treatments, pregnant with twins or starting out with newborn twins, I have 2 very strong pieces of advice:

1. Join a Mother of Twins club and get some support!  None of your family and friends will ever truly be able to understand what you’re going through with 2 babies at the same time.  The only people that totally get it are moms (and dads) that have gone through it.  Through my county’s mother of twins club, I have met one of my dearest friends who I can literally share everything with.  We cry, we laugh and we are there for each other through this crazy journey in a way that no one else can be!

2.  Put your babies on the same schedule ASAP!  I heard this piece of advice over and over again while I was pregnant, but to be honest, I wasn’t totally sure what it meant until I had both girls home with me.  I put the girls down to nap and sleep at the same time.  Even if one girl doesn’t fall asleep right away, they are in their cribs together and you would be amazed at how used to each other they get and can sleep through each other.  As for eating, it’s easier now that they eat real food at real meal times, but as newborns, I would feed one baby and then immediately put her in a swing or bouncy seat and feed the other baby.  As they got a little older, I would prop the girls in seats or on boppy pillows and give them their bottles at the same time, but ultimately I would have to stop and burp one baby, then the other, and then try to resume the feeding.  In general, feedings are tough no matter how you look at it, but it gets easier and you have to have them on the same schedule.

Over the last 17 months, I’ve figured out some other useful tricks of the trade that have helped me not only survive, but thoroughly enjoy being a mom of twins!  For one thing, I started taking the girls out of the house immediately so that they would become accustomed to it and so would I.  This is my life, I don’t know any differently, and I certainly did not want to be trapped in my house all the time.  I would recommend my stroller to help with outings, the City Select.  This stroller has adaptors for the infant car seats and once you move into the regular stroller seats, the twins can actually face each other, one in front of the other.  I find it’s much easier to maneuver through doorways instead of using a side by side double stroller.

Something else that has helped me, especially when I go out to eat or have lunch at a friend’s house, is to carry 2 booster seats in my trunk.  This way I never had to worry about a restaurant running out of high chairs or where I could trap my girls to feed them at someone’s house.  This being said, between, the booster seats, the double stroller and my diaper bag, I also recommend a car with a big enough trunk!

I think the hardest lesson I am still learning about having twins is to not compare them to each other.  I have really found this close to impossible but I’m trying!  I feel like my mommy friends all talk about their kids and of course, it’s hard not to compare your kid to everyone else’s kid.  Who rolls over first, sits up, starts real food, walks, talks, etc.  But, as a mother of twins, I found it easier to ignore what everyone else’s kid was doing beacuse I was in such a different situation.  But, I am with both my girls all day long, every day and I found myself always comparing them to each other.  Once one girl mastered a milestone, I was happy and excited, but could only think about when my other girl was going to get there as well.  As they’re getting older, I’ve been getting better about it, but it’s still so hard to do.  I want each of my girls to have their own identity and be their own person, but I also wonder when one will do what the other one is doing.  I just can’t help it sometimes!

Overall, being a mother of twins is a phenomenal experience.  It’s one I don’t think I would like to repeat again, but I wouldn’t change anything that’s happened so far!  I love my girls more than I thought it was possible to love and I can’t wait to continue watching them grow.  It’s hard to have 2 babies, but as the saying goes, 2 heads are better than 1!  And I know my girls will have a best friend for life.  They were born together and I know they’ll be friends forever!

 

Carrie Grochow is a former guidance counselor, licensed mental health counselor and currently the proud mother of 17 month old twin girls.  About a year after her girls were born, she started a blog called “Twinsplicity” (www.twinsplicity.blogspot.com) to share her experiences, thoughts, advice and stories with everyone.

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A Fun Way To Teach Cooperation!

February 6th, 2012 | Posted by Dana in behavior | consistency | cooperation | developmentally appropriate | parenting - (0 Comments)

When teaching cooperation, the first thing to consider is whether your expectations are developmentally appropriate.  Taking a 2 year old into a clothing store while you shop after they’ve been in their stroller for 40 minutes, and expecting them to continue to stay in the stroller, is not developmentally appropriate or reasonable.    Here are some suggestions I make for parents who are trying to teach their children to be cooperative:

#1-Inside Voices-When a child is being loud in a place where you’d rather they use a quieter voice, make it a game.  Ask them “Can you say that in a whisper?”  “Can you say that like an animal might?”  Before you take your child to quieter places play a Quiet-Loud game.  Say a word loudly and say it quietly.  (You can also do this with instruments.)  Practice a whisper, an outside voice, and an inside voice.  Remind them of these different voices before you go in to a restaurant or library.

#2- Sharing- This could truly be a post of its own but consider this…If a friend came to your house and wanted to borrow a cup of sugar and your best china, you probably wouldn’t think twice about the sugar and might feel some anxiety about the china.  This is not dissimilar from how young children feel about their possessions.  When your child has a play date, have them put away 3-5 toys that they do not have to or want to share,  and 3-5 that they want to play with their friend.  Stick with them during the play date and help support your child.  Reassure them that you will make sure that everyone has a turn.  Next time they’ll find “sharing” easier.

#3-Grocery Shopping- Rather than saying “no” every time they point to, or pick up, an item, play “I Spy” or give them part of the list.  Children have brand recognition from a very young age.  ”Can you point to the Cheerios?”  “Where do you see the carrots?”  “Can you find the cookies with the pink wrapper?”  Older children can help cut the packaging from empty containers or ads to make their own shopping list.  This idea works at home too.  Toddlers, in particular, love to help!  They can find matching socks while you do laundry and sort mixed up toys into containers.

Have specific questions or frustrations?  Have a great tip to share?  Get in touch!  dana@danaskids.com

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Tips To Tame Tantrums!

January 31st, 2012 | Posted by Dana in behavior | challenges | children | consistency | developmentally appropriate | limit setting | parenting | positive discipline | self-control | tips | young children - (0 Comments)

Recently, in many of my parent groups and private sessions, tantrums seem to be the topic of choice.  Tantruming is not new to childhood but it seems that every day an expert has a new way to end your child’s tantrums. I say stick with the tried and true…

Before your child tantrums, think about what sets them off.  Why does he or she tantrum?  Think about where your child is developmentally.  Is your 3 year old having a tantrum because you won’t give him something he wants?  Is your 19 month old tantruming because she’s lost control of herself?

When a toddler has a tantrum it is often because they are melting down, tired, or hungry.  Whatever the cause, a toddler does not have the tools to calm their bodies and regain control on their own.  They need you.  At this age I recommend that you sit on the floor next your child, tell them you see they are having a hard time and that you are going to help them calm down.  Some like to be held, others do not want to be touched.  You can ask your child what they prefer, or just try what you think might work and see what happens.  To be clear, this doesn’t mean to give in if the child is demanding something, it just means that you are giving your child what they need.  Something, at that moment, that a toddler can not do for themselves.

As your child gets older, think about their temperament and try these techniques:

Reflect your child’s emotions.   Bend down so that you are level with their eyes.  Try saying, “You are so mad (fill in the emotions) right now.  I know you really wanted that 5th scoop of ice cream but you may not have it.  I understand that makes you feel angry and sad.”  Then move on.  Give your child a choice, should we play with blocks next or take out the crayons.

Give positive alternatives.  Explain to your child that banging that block on his infant brother’s head is not a choice, but he can bang the block on another block, or play the drums if he feels like banging.  Remind your child that banging on another person’s body is not safe.  Ask, “where do you think is a safe place to bang?”

Keep it light.  Use a little humor to diffuse the situation.  When your child is begging you not to go out to dinner, remind them that you have to come home to sleep in your bed.  Ask them “Can grown-ups sleep in a restaurant?  A car?  On the table?  No! How silly!  Grown-ups have to come home to sleep in their beds.”  We even use this idea during the separation process at school.  When your child is having one of those delightful moaning tantrums, reflect their feelings and be silly.   ”You are so mad, I wonder if you can stamp your feet as loud as I can.”

Ignore it.  There are times when a child begins to have a tantrum, that the best thing you can do is simply ignore it.  Check in to be sure your child is safe, but keep yourself out of the tantrum.  If a tree falls in the woods and there is no one there to see it…

Remove them from the situation.  This idea can be interpreted in two ways.  For some children, having a conversation with their grown-up while being distracted by the item they want, the child who has it, or something else that is happening in the environment, is just too much.  For these children, removing them from the situation can mean going into the next room to work through the tantrum in a quieter place.  That being said, sometimes there is no other option than to remove your child from the situation entirely.  If your child has gone past the point of no return, leaving will often give them the opportunity calm their bodies in a less stimulating environment and help them understand that their behavior is unacceptable.

Deciding how to deal with tantrums has a lot to do with your child’s temperament.  I say this often: Parents know their children best.  Think about your child and the way they handle different situations.  Children give us a lot of information every day, from whether they need to be prepared for something new a week before or an hour before, to how to handle their tantrums.  When a tantrum begins, assess the situation, decide on a technique, and set the limit.  Do not tolerate unacceptable behavior.  The consistency in your reactions to tantrums, as with any other behavior, will help your children develop their ability to regulate their own emotions and behaviors.  You can do this!

More questions?  Ask!  dana@danaskids.com

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New Event Added: Tuesday February 7th, 2012 at 11:30am

January 29th, 2012 | Posted by Dana in Activities | Big City Moms | children | Dana's Kids Workshops | developmentally appropriate | Events | infants and toddlers | New York City Parent workshops | NYC parent workshops | parent workshop | parenting | parenting workshops NYC | play | quality time | tips | typical development | young children - (0 Comments)

Join me and Big City Moms

on February 7th, 2012 at 11:30am  for

“Playing With Your Baby”

The first 6 months of your baby’s life are an incredible period of growth and a great opportunity for bonding.  During this lunch you will learn about typical development and creative ways to support your baby through play.   You’ll hear about developmentally appropriate ways to interact with your infant, with a focus on activities for when you’re cooped up in the cold weather.  We’ll also disuss which baby items are must-haves and which are nice-to-haves.  And, of course, there will be plenty of time for Q & A.”

Where:Kidville – 163 East 84th St

Cost: $35 for mom and baby in advance, $40 at the door

RSVP: lunch@bigcitymoms.com or 917-488-8542

Register: http://www.bigcitymoms.com/upcoming_02072012lunch.php

 

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New Event: Tuesday February 7th, 2012 at 6pm

January 27th, 2012 | Posted by Dana in behavior | Dana's Kids Workshops | developmentally appropriate | early childhood | Events | love | New York City Parent workshops | NYC parent workshops | parenting | sibling relationships | siblings | TLB Music | TLB Music workshop | young children - (0 Comments)

Join Dana’s Kids and TLB Music for a new workshop:

“Creating A Sibling Symphony”

 on Tuesday February 7th at 6pm.

During  this workshop parents will find out how to prepare their child for the arrival of a new sibling. We’ll talk about when to tell your child and how to help them transition into their new role as older brother or sister. We’ll also discuss “sibling rivalry” and some of the most common reasons why children fight. Parents will learn how to help siblings resolve conflict, when to intervene, and how to encourage a positive, loving relationship between their children.

 

Where: TLB Music  266 E 78th Street

Tickets: $25

For More Information and To Register for this class: 212-744-0404 or threelittlebirds@tlbmusic.com

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Quitting: When Is It Okay?

November 4th, 2011 | Posted by Dana in Activities | children | consistency | developmentally appropriate - (1 Comments)

Young children begin taking formal “lessons” in activities for a number of reasons:  Mom or Dad thinks it’s a great idea, the child has expressed interest, friends are participating, they liked the leotard or karate outfit, etc.  Most of the time these activties are wonderful and children thoroughly enjoy them.  But what happens if your young child is unhappy?  What if they resist going to class?

Some children will resist because an activity is new.  This may be the first time they are going to a class where a parent or caregiver leaves the room.  Perhaps this is the first time they have tried this particular activity or its “just one of those days.”  In these cases, I would recommend trying to stick with the activity.  Many times persistence through the initial hesitation will result in a child loving the activity!

It is helpful to remember that a “commitment” for a young child may be shorter than a full 6 or 12 week session.  (Whether or not you can afford to do that financially is another question.)  If your child is resistant, worries, or appears fearful, go and watch a class.  Tell your child that you are going to “try one more time.”  You might encourage them by saying that you are going to stay and watch, or even that you’ll come in with them,  While observing, note whether the class is developmentally appropriate.  Are the instructions clear?  Are they asking very young children to wait while many other children have a turn?  Are the children being engaged by the teacher?  How does the teacher react when a child is hesitant or not following instructions?  Sometimes children just aren’t sure what they’ve gotten themselves into.  If you can understand why your child isn’t happy, it may be time to stop the activity.

Ideally, when signing your child up for an activity, take a trial class first.  This way both of you will have the experience to make an informed choice.  Participating in group activities can teach children innumerable values.  But don’t forget to take into account that children need down time.  Unstructured time at the park or at home is just as important as being sure your child is taking classes.  A parent is the expert on their child.  Use your knowledge and try to make wise choices.  Adjustments can always be made.  You can do this!

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Discipline Is Not A Bad Word!

October 11th, 2011 | Posted by Dana in behavior | challenges | consistency | cooperation | developmentally appropriate | discipline | limit setting | parenting | parents | positive discipline | self-control | tips | young children - (0 Comments)

 

Many parents today are concerned about disciplining their children.  Some don’t want to be “mean,” others don’t want to “damage” their children.  Some want to be “friends” with their kids, and others just aren’t sure how to do it.  The key in positive discipline and limit setting is to teach cooperation!  You can start teaching this to your child when he or she is a baby!  Praise positive behavior!  Give them specific and authentic compliments.  Set up opportunities for them to do something “right” and then recognize it.

Different children need different levels of discipline.  Consistency in setting limits is essential, as is giving your children ideas about what they “can do” instead of only what they “can’t do.” Our goal with discipline is to help children internalize pro-social behavior.  I often liken it to swaddling.  Before a baby is able to soothe him or herself, we swaddle them.  Once they are a bit older, we leave their arms out of the swaddle, so that they can work on controlling their hands and arms and start to learn to self soothe.  Eventually, we remove the swaddling all together as babies become better able to control their movements and more deliberately calm themselves.  Consistent limit setting helps young children feel safe.  In time, the concepts we have actively taught our children, will become a part of them instrinsically.

Bottom line…know what expectations are developmentally appropriate for your child, fight the battles worth winning, and be consistent in your reactions.  Acknowledge your childs emotions, but do not tolerate unacceptable behavior.  Teach them to manage their emotions.   Teach them what is and is not okay in your family.  Support them as they learn self-control.  Reinforce their positive behavior.  Children cannot do this on their own.  They need grownups.  Positive discipline and limit setting gives children a lifelong gift!  Start giving to your child today!

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Dana’s Kids Will Be At The New Parents Expo on October 15 & 16, 2011

October 8th, 2011 | Posted by Dana in anxiety | behavior | developmentally appropriate | infants and toddlers | New Parents Expo | New York City Parent workshops | New York Family | NYC parent workshops | parenting - (0 Comments)

 

Dana’s Kids is proud to be an exhibitor at New York Family’s New Parents Expo on October 15 & 16, 2011 at Pier 92!

A grand family-friendly mega-show for new parents and parents-to-be from the New York Metropolitan area and beyond, the New Parents Expo will enable parents to discover many of the best products for maternity, baby, and toddler from national and local companies, and will offer an inspiring menu of lectures, seminars, and demonstrations from beloved experts in the world of family and parenting. In short, the New Parents Expo is expected to be the single biggest consumer event for parents in the nation this year.

Honoring the spirit of a show that’s all about family, the New Parents Expo will not only be helpful and informational, it will be fun, accessible, and welcoming to children.

Tickets are $35 in advance; $40 the day of the show. Click here to purchase tickets. I hope to see you there!

 

Dana’s Kids

empowered parents, happy families.

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My Favorite Things: Patemm Pads

October 6th, 2011 | Posted by Dana in Alternate uses for Patemm Pads | developmentally appropriate | infants and toddlers | Patemm Pads | Patemm Pads Dana's Kids | products | quality time | tips - (0 Comments)

I recently had the pleasure of meeting Grace Welch, the mom inventor of the Patemm Pad.  This woman is a dynamo, and so is her product!  A little background for those of you who aren’t familiar with the product…The Patemm Pad is a patented, award-winning, parent and third party laboratory tested, eco-friendly diaper changing system that is PROUDLY MADE IN THE USA!  The pads are laminated, CPSIA-certified and are both wipe down to clean and machine-washable.

What I love about the pad is the circular design and its versatility.  We all know and love a baby who squirms while they’re having their diaper changed.  On the Patemm Pad your baby can be in any direction and still protected from the floor below.  The Patemm Pad also has inside pockets for wipes, diapers, change of clothes, etc., and is a great option for the times when you don’t want to bring the whole diaper bag.

I like using the Patemm Pad as a handy, clean, soft spot for playtime in the house, at the park, or at the playground.  Professionally, I use the pad for sorting activities with young children by placing the child in the middle of the pad and bowls around the outside for each different color, shape, or animal.  I often recommend that parents set up indoor obstacle courses for their children on rainy and cold days.  The Patemm Pad is a great starting or ending point, and a great spot for doing an activity like balancing on one foot, as part of the course.  And a bonus tip…..photographs taken on the Patemm Pad are adorable!

Patemm Pads are available on their website:  www.patemm.com and select retailers across the USA and abroad.  Giggle.com and Giggle stores nationwide carry Patemm Pad exclusives.  If you “Like” Patemm Pad on Facebook (www.facebook.com/patemmpad), you’ll have access to great promos, giveaways, FB exclusives, news, $25.00 samples sales, etc.

Check them out and let me know what you think!  If you  have a Patemm Pad, what is your favorite way to use it?

 

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