Dana’s Kids Blog

Today on Thanksgiving, but really every day, it is important to think about raising children who are thankful and appreciative.  How can a parent or teacher instill these traits in children?

When children are about 18 months old, they can repeat the phrase “thank you.”  While they will not truly understand what it means until they are about 3, and will probably need prompting to use the phrase for quite some time after that, it is essential to make the words and the sentiment part of their environment from infancy.  Do you say thank you to the mailman?  The doorman?  The bank teller?  Involve your children when you help others.  Thank them when they have been cooperative.  Ask your young child to help draw pictures for a thank you card and write down the words they would like to say.

Many families have a tradition of asking each member what they are thankful for.  Young children sometimes have difficulty answering the question.  Try reframing it as “Who do you say thank you to?” or “What do you say thank you for?”

Be sure to model gratitude and empathy.

When children live it, they learn it!

Young children begin taking formal “lessons” in activities for a number of reasons:  Mom or Dad thinks it’s a great idea, the child has expressed interest, friends are participating, they liked the leotard or karate outfit, etc.  Most of the time these activties are wonderful and children thoroughly enjoy them.  But what happens if your young child is unhappy?  What if they resist going to class?

Some children will resist because an activity is new.  This may be the first time they are going to a class where a parent or caregiver leaves the room.  Perhaps this is the first time they have tried this particular activity or its “just one of those days.”  In these cases, I would recommend trying to stick with the activity.  Many times persistence through the initial hesitation will result in a child loving the activity!

It is helpful to remember that a “commitment” for a young child may be shorter than a full 6 or 12 week session.  (Whether or not you can afford to do that financially is another question.)  If your child is resistant, worries, or appears fearful, go and watch a class.  Tell your child that you are going to “try one more time.”  You might encourage them by saying that you are going to stay and watch, or even that you’ll come in with them,  While observing, note whether the class is developmentally appropriate.  Are the instructions clear?  Are they asking very young children to wait while many other children have a turn?  Are the children being engaged by the teacher?  How does the teacher react when a child is hesitant or not following instructions?  Sometimes children just aren’t sure what they’ve gotten themselves into.  If you can understand why your child isn’t happy, it may be time to stop the activity.

Ideally, when signing your child up for an activity, take a trial class first.  This way both of you will have the experience to make an informed choice.  Participating in group activities can teach children innumerable values.  But don’t forget to take into account that children need down time.  Unstructured time at the park or at home is just as important as being sure your child is taking classes.  A parent is the expert on their child.  Use your knowledge and try to make wise choices.  Adjustments can always be made.  You can do this!

Many parents today are concerned about disciplining their children.  Some don’t want to be “mean,” others don’t want to “damage” their children.  Some want to be “friends” with their kids, and others just aren’t sure how to do it.  The key in positive discipline and limit setting is to teach cooperation!  You can start teaching this to your child when he or she is a baby!  Praise positive behavior!  Give them specific and authentic compliments.  Set up opportunities for them to do something “right” and then recognize it.

Different children need different levels of discipline.  Consistency in setting limits is essential, as is giving your children ideas about what they “can do” instead of only what they “can’t do.” Our goal with discipline is to help children internalize pro-social behavior.  I often liken it to swaddling.  Before a baby is able to soothe him or herself, we swaddle them.  Once they are a bit older, we leave their arms out of the swaddle, so that they can work on controlling their hands and arms and start to learn to self soothe.  Eventually, we remove the swaddling all together as babies become better able to control their movements and more deliberately calm themselves.  Consistent limit setting helps young children feel safe.  In time, the concepts we have actively taught our children, will become a part of them instrinsically.

Bottom line…know what expectations are developmentally appropriate for your child, fight the battles worth winning, and be consistent in your reactions.  Acknowledge your childs emotions, but do not tolerate unacceptable behavior.  Teach them to manage their emotions.   Teach them what is and is not okay in your family.  Support them as they learn self-control.  Reinforce their positive behavior.  Children cannot do this on their own.  They need grownups.  Positive discipline and limit setting gives children a lifelong gift!  Start giving to your child today!

1. The most important way to help your child feel comfortable with the idea of beginning nursery school is to make sure you are comfortable with the idea of him or her beginning nursery school.  If you have questions or concerns call the school and speak with your child’s teacher, the director, or the school’s early childhood consultant.  Children are very perceptive, if you are feeling nervous, they will most certainly feel nervous as well.
2. Start a conversation with your child about beginning school.  Mention any familiar faces they may see.  Ask them what toys they think they might play with at school.  Remind them that grownups always come back!  (There are no beds or cribs at school!)  If your child’s anxiety level seems to rise during the conversation, end it.  You can always bring it up again.  Know your child.  Some children do better with less preparation, others with more.
3. On the first day of school have one parent drop your child off.  Having to say goodbye to two parents can be far more difficult.  Also, try to make arrangements for any siblings so that they are not present for separation.  Again, watching a parent leave with a sibling can make separation harder for some young children.
4. When bringing your child to school the first day make sure they are walking once they get inside the building.  They can absolutely hold your hand as you walk in.  Walking on their own begins the process of helping your child become more independent.
5. Remember that beginning school is a process.  There is no time table.  Your child will have days where he or she will run in to the room without issue and there will be days where saying goodbye is more difficult.  Everyone separates!  Make sure you are clear about the teachers’ plan for separation and continue to let them know if you have specific concerns.  When you reunite at the end of the day remind your child that you came back, just as you said you would!

Sometimes the park can keep children busy for hours, and other days it’s just doesn’t cut it.  Be prepared!  These activities are sure to keep your children engaged and may even teach them a little about science along the way!

1-Use Water- Go to the dollar store and keep spray bottles, paint rollers and paint brushes in the house.  Bring them, along with buckets, to the park, sidewalk, or backyard this summer and watch the kids go wild.  Certainly, getting wet in hot summer heat is always a good thing, but try wondering aloud as to where the water goes when the wet brush marks disappear…..evaporation!  Using spray bottles is a great activity for working on hand strength and there are no limitations to where children can paint with water, as it simply dries!

2-Make ice-On that same trip to the dollar store, buy a few ice trays.  Make ice and let the children play with it.  You can add it to a baby pool or bathtub.  Freeze it with a q-tip or popsicle stick inside and continue with the “painting” idea.  Add a little paint to the water before it freezes and it can be used to paint on large sheets of paper outside.  Have the children help you make the ice and talk about freezing and melting.  Don’t forget, freezing fruit juice in ice trays with popsicle sticks for handles is a great activity and a delicious, healthy snack!

3-Planting-Whether you live in the city or the suburbs, planting is a great activity.  Flowers or seeds, herbs or vegetables, the possibilities are endless.  Go to a local hardware store for some dirt, pots (you can also use plastic cups!), and whatever item you choose to plant.  Bring the children with you to make the choices!  Even young children can help you count out single dollars!  Take the items home and talk about what plants need to grow.  To extend the activity, have your children decorate the pots.  Plant your items and keep track of watering and growth.  This is a great way to teach responsibility!

4-Picnics-Children love to take their meals outside.  Try having picnics at different times of the day.  Have children help prepare a breakfast meal the night before.  Think about healthy choices and pack your meal.  Go outside early in the morning, spread out a blanket and enjoy your breakfast.  For families where children are up early and parents leave for work, this is a great way to squeeze in some quality time together.  Point out the position of the sun.  Think aloud about the temperature and what the air “feels” like.  Have your next picnic at lunch or dinner time.  Notice the differences.  If you eat under a tree, talk to your children about the shadows that are created.

5-Use Nature-There is a million and one ways to use the environment around us.  Two of my favorites are a nature scavenger hunt and a nature collage.  For the scavenger hunt, make a list of the items each child needs to find.  Talk about which items they can take and which items are still growing.  For young children, draw pictures next to the words.  List items like green leaves, brown leaves, stones, dandelions, seashells, etc.  You can even add a “freebie,” so the children can include an extra item they think is special.  Modify the game by giving the children the number of items they need to find and add math skills to the activity.  Give each child a bucket or bag, their list, and a marker or crayon to cross the items off.  Young children will need some help.  Come back together and let the children talk about what they have found.  Point out some details of each of their items.  Afterwards, pull out glue and paper to make a collage.  I prefer using cardboard and tacky glue for nature collages that include heavier items.  Many local dry cleaners will happily give you a few shirt boards.  You can also use shoe box tops, cut cereal boxes, and poster board.

Have other science ideas to add to the list?  Please post a comment.  The most important part is to have fun with your children.  Enjoy!

Check out the Events page for more information on my upcoming workshop with Big City Moms.

We’ll be covering “Everything You Need To Know About Potty Training!” Join us.

Every now and again I come across a product that I believe is revolutionary.  Gyrowheel is that product.  As a “failed” bike rider myself (I can go a couple of feet now, but it’s not good), I have always wondered how to make this an easier process for children.  That’s exactly what Gyrowheel does.  Gyrowheel is a front wheel that can be put on any 12 or 16 inch children’s bikes.  When the power is on, Gyrowheel helps keep a rider upright and more stable, particularly at a low speed.  The child learns correct riding technique, how to balance a bike, and will have a safer, easier and faster learning experience.  Certainly, Gyrowheel looks “cooler” than training wheels which can be a factor for older children learning to ride, but it also more closely replicates the feeling of riding a regular bicycle, rather than the tricycle feel created with training wheels.  Training wheels can make turning dangerous and also teach children skills they actually have to unlearn for a regular bike.  Gyrowheel may also be helpful for some children with special needs.

Often, I explain to parents that when a child (or adult, for that matter) does something successfully and feels the pride of accomplishment, he or she will want to do it again.  That is exactly what happens the first time a child gets on a bike with a Gyrowheel.  You’ve got to take a look at the video!   And if you don’t believe the company’s video, search it on YouTube and prepare to be wowed.  First time riders are off and riding, feeling confident and learning proper bike riding skills right from the start.  Gyrowheel has three stability levels that can be reduced as the child’s skills improve.  When Gyrowheel is turned off, it works like any other bicycle wheel.

I’ve recently seen many children with balance bikes and these can be a great precursor to a bike with Gyrowheel, particularly because children can use a balance bike at a younger age.  Once the child is ready for a 12 inch bike, I highly recommend ordering a Gyrowheel.  Most adults can picture a child as they wobble trying to hold a new bike up, learn to pedal and balance, all at once.  Because Gyrowheel works at a low speed, the child has help at this stage of the game.  The company also makes a complete 16 inch kids’ Gyrobike, a full bike that comes equipped with a Gyrowheel.  Like I said, the product is revolutionary.  I wonder when they’ll make one for grown-ups….

You can find more information on the products, availability, and online ordering at www.thegyrobike.com.  And for a limited time, use the code DANASKIDS at check out to receive 10% off.

I recently wrote about how aware children are of what their parents are communicating through language and behavior. This is true both after extreme events and during the typical day. When a parent is anxious during separation at school, the child knows. When a grownup holds the child’s hand just a little bit tighter while they pass a dog on the street, the child learns to be cautious around animals. On the other end of the spectrum is the belief that grownups should “protect” children from their full range of emotions. These grownups put a smile on their face after they’ve closed their finger in a cabinet and say everything is fine after a child has broken their favorite pitcher. Once again, I ask “where’s the middle ground?” I believe we are doing children a disservice by hiding our emotions from them. Certainly, a grownup doesn’t need to have a full meltdown in front of a child, show them the extent of their grief after a death or their anxiety prior to an event like school separation, but why not be just a little more honest with children?

As children develop, it’s important for them to learn about frustration, anger, disappointment, excitement and sheer joy. Who better to teach children that all of their emotions are okay, than a treasured adult? Include your child in the celebration when something wonderful has happened. When your child is consistently misbehaving, it’s okay to tell them you are starting to feel angry and frustrated. You’ll still need to handle the situation, but you’ve explained to the child how you feel when they act that way. Remember that showing children emotions comes with it the responsibility to teach them how to handle those emotions. Maybe anger and frustration leads to taking deep breaths. Disappointment may bring with it some tears and then the ability to move forward with a positive attitude. When we express our emotions honestly, using language and facial expressions, children learn to do the same. Give it a try!

For most children, farm animals are a standard toy chest item.  Two of my favorites are Soft Touch Baby Farm Animals and Aurora My Barnyard Friends Carrier with Sounds.  For a barn and animal set, the Fisher Price Little People Animal Sounds Farm is a favorite!  The problem is, one can only play with animals on the farm for so long.  Today’s “Plan to Play,” shakes up the routine.  As children are learning animals and animal sounds and expanding their dramatic play skills, why not give the animals a ride on a bus or in a car.  This is a great game for children with special needs who play repetitively with the same materials in the same way.

What You’ll Need:

-Farm animals

-Car, bus, or other vehicle with room for the animals

The Plan:

Children who have not yet played with animals on the farm should be supported as they explore that scenario first.  Those who are familiar with the animals that live on the farm can begin this “plan to play” by investigating the animals.  Remember that children should be encouraged to lead the play whenever possible, but modeling new ways to play with familiar materials expands your children’s creativity and skills.  You might start by saying to your child “I wonder what would happen if the animals left the farm.  Do you think they could go for a ride on the bus/in the car/on the train?”  Many children will take the lead at this point and respond both verbally and by manipulating the animals to reflect your suggestions.  For children who don’t, you could follow up with “My horse is going to have a turn riding the bus.”  To the tune of “The Wheels on the Bus” try singing:  The horse on the bus says neigh, neigh, neigh.  Neigh, neigh, neigh.  Neigh, neigh, neigh.  The horse on the bus says neigh, neigh, neigh.  Al through the town.  Continue this with the other animals and see what your child does.  Math and problem solving skills can be incorporated by asking your child how many animals he or she thinks might fit in the vehicle.  Have fun with it!  Let other figurines take their turns as well.  Young children will understand and enjoy the humor in animals going for rides in vehicles meant for people. 

(Note: You can extend this play with children 3 and older by asking where the animals might be going and what they are going to do there.)

Whether talking about his life or death, I struggle with giving this man more than his 15 minutes of fame.  To be sure, in my opinion, he didn’t even deserve that much.  Many people have strong feelings about last night’s events.  Many will be discussing them today and for days to come.  When doing so, please remember that little people have big ears.  We can discuss, in general terms, children’s developmental readiness for certain types of information.   But I don’t think any one person can tell another how much to tell or if they should be talking to their children about terrorism and the world at large. 

I can tell you for certain that children hear more than your words.  They see your actions and feel your emotions.  And children learn what they live.  Keep that in mind when you decide what to share and how.  Keep that in mind when talking to friends and family.  Make sure you are presenting the message you intend to in your language and your behavior.  The future of our world is encompassed in that little person next to you.