Review: Building Self-Control, The American Way

February 21st, 2012 | Posted by Dana in behavior | developmentally appropriate | discipline | NY Times article | parenting | parenting style | play | positive discipline | response to NY Times | self-control | self-help skills | teachable moments | Uncategorized - (0 Comments)

Last Sunday the NY Times published an opinion piece in response to this past years’ focus on international parenting techniques.  The unifying factor of many of these practices is helping children learn self-control and self-discipline.  Throughout my blog posts and workshops you will find  that I repeatedly emphasize the important of positive discipline that leads to self-discipline, specific praise that reinforces appropriate behavior and self control, as well as providing children with the opportunity and skills to make their needs known.  The article reiterates these ideas and explains that this does not have to be done with adult pressure but rather adult presence, reflection and recognition of a child’s interests, and acknowledgement of desired behavior.

Internal motivation is key.  Modeling how to express ones self and ones emotions, as well as using play, are positive ways to create teachable moments that don’t have adults hovering, or shoving concepts and rules down children’s throats.   This is not the way we manage or teach adults and it is not the way we should with children either.  Throughout our days with children there are opportunities for them to work on self-control, social skills, and self-esteem.  Help them take advantage of these times and practice these skills.  You, your child, and the world around us will benefit.

 

 

NY Times Article: Building Self-Control, the American Way

by: Sandra Aamodt and Sam Wang

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/19/opinion/sunday/building-self-control-the-american-way.html?_r=1&pagewanted=all

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Guest Post: Twinsplicity

February 13th, 2012 | Posted by Dana in child care | developmentally appropriate | infants and toddlers | love | parenting | parenting anecdotes | Parenting twins | quality time | reflection | Responsive Parenting | siblings | tips | Twin tips | Uncategorized - (0 Comments)

 

When my husband and I were dating we went on a cruise to Mexico.  On the ship, we met an amazing couple from Canada who had twin boys.  Halfway through the trip, my husband told me he would do anything to have twins.  At the time, being 22 years old and just dating, I looked at him like he was crazy!  I also explained the improbability of that happening since neither one of us has a history of twins in our family.  However, 8 years later, we’re happily married and the proud parents of 17 month old twin girls!

I know, I couldn’t believe it either!  But, after trying to get pregnant on our own for a while and not being successful, we decided we needed help.  Actually, I thought we didn’t really need help, but that once we were tested and told everything was fine, we’d just magically get pregnant.  Did I also mention that I believe in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy?  All kidding aside, getting pregnant turned out to be much harder than I thought, but after 6 months of fertility treatments, our second round of IVF worked, and twin girls arrived!

They have been the most amazing additions to my life, besides my husband, but it has been challenging to say the least!  Anyone out there going through fertility treatments, pregnant with twins or starting out with newborn twins, I have 2 very strong pieces of advice:

1. Join a Mother of Twins club and get some support!  None of your family and friends will ever truly be able to understand what you’re going through with 2 babies at the same time.  The only people that totally get it are moms (and dads) that have gone through it.  Through my county’s mother of twins club, I have met one of my dearest friends who I can literally share everything with.  We cry, we laugh and we are there for each other through this crazy journey in a way that no one else can be!

2.  Put your babies on the same schedule ASAP!  I heard this piece of advice over and over again while I was pregnant, but to be honest, I wasn’t totally sure what it meant until I had both girls home with me.  I put the girls down to nap and sleep at the same time.  Even if one girl doesn’t fall asleep right away, they are in their cribs together and you would be amazed at how used to each other they get and can sleep through each other.  As for eating, it’s easier now that they eat real food at real meal times, but as newborns, I would feed one baby and then immediately put her in a swing or bouncy seat and feed the other baby.  As they got a little older, I would prop the girls in seats or on boppy pillows and give them their bottles at the same time, but ultimately I would have to stop and burp one baby, then the other, and then try to resume the feeding.  In general, feedings are tough no matter how you look at it, but it gets easier and you have to have them on the same schedule.

Over the last 17 months, I’ve figured out some other useful tricks of the trade that have helped me not only survive, but thoroughly enjoy being a mom of twins!  For one thing, I started taking the girls out of the house immediately so that they would become accustomed to it and so would I.  This is my life, I don’t know any differently, and I certainly did not want to be trapped in my house all the time.  I would recommend my stroller to help with outings, the City Select.  This stroller has adaptors for the infant car seats and once you move into the regular stroller seats, the twins can actually face each other, one in front of the other.  I find it’s much easier to maneuver through doorways instead of using a side by side double stroller.

Something else that has helped me, especially when I go out to eat or have lunch at a friend’s house, is to carry 2 booster seats in my trunk.  This way I never had to worry about a restaurant running out of high chairs or where I could trap my girls to feed them at someone’s house.  This being said, between, the booster seats, the double stroller and my diaper bag, I also recommend a car with a big enough trunk!

I think the hardest lesson I am still learning about having twins is to not compare them to each other.  I have really found this close to impossible but I’m trying!  I feel like my mommy friends all talk about their kids and of course, it’s hard not to compare your kid to everyone else’s kid.  Who rolls over first, sits up, starts real food, walks, talks, etc.  But, as a mother of twins, I found it easier to ignore what everyone else’s kid was doing beacuse I was in such a different situation.  But, I am with both my girls all day long, every day and I found myself always comparing them to each other.  Once one girl mastered a milestone, I was happy and excited, but could only think about when my other girl was going to get there as well.  As they’re getting older, I’ve been getting better about it, but it’s still so hard to do.  I want each of my girls to have their own identity and be their own person, but I also wonder when one will do what the other one is doing.  I just can’t help it sometimes!

Overall, being a mother of twins is a phenomenal experience.  It’s one I don’t think I would like to repeat again, but I wouldn’t change anything that’s happened so far!  I love my girls more than I thought it was possible to love and I can’t wait to continue watching them grow.  It’s hard to have 2 babies, but as the saying goes, 2 heads are better than 1!  And I know my girls will have a best friend for life.  They were born together and I know they’ll be friends forever!

 

Carrie Grochow is a former guidance counselor, licensed mental health counselor and currently the proud mother of 17 month old twin girls.  About a year after her girls were born, she started a blog called “Twinsplicity” (www.twinsplicity.blogspot.com) to share her experiences, thoughts, advice and stories with everyone.

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My Favorite Things: Homemade Play Dough

February 11th, 2012 | Posted by Dana in Activities - (5 Comments)

Next time there’s a snow day (or sick, rainy, “I’m bored” day), be prepared!  Keep the ingredients in your pantry and you’ll always have a project.

Homemade Play Dough
1c Flour
1Tbsp Oil
1c Water
1/2c Salt
2Tbsp Cream of Tartar
Food Coloring of Choice

Mix all ingredients except food coloring in a pot. Nonstick is preferable. Your children can help with this! Once the ingredients are combined, add food coloring. A little goes a long way. Place pot on medium heat, stirring constantly. Be sure that if you use a plastic spoon it is heavy duty. Wooden spoons will stain slightly from food coloring. Stir until mixture thickens and forms a ball. Turn play dough out onto aluminum foil, table, or parchment paper and knead to break up any clumps. Once it’s cool, play time begins!

Notes: Older children can initially help mix the dough on the stove.
Glitter, extracts, scented oils, etc. can be added to the dough
before it is cooked.

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A Fun Way To Teach Cooperation!

February 6th, 2012 | Posted by Dana in behavior | consistency | cooperation | developmentally appropriate | parenting - (0 Comments)

When teaching cooperation, the first thing to consider is whether your expectations are developmentally appropriate.  Taking a 2 year old into a clothing store while you shop after they’ve been in their stroller for 40 minutes, and expecting them to continue to stay in the stroller, is not developmentally appropriate or reasonable.    Here are some suggestions I make for parents who are trying to teach their children to be cooperative:

#1-Inside Voices-When a child is being loud in a place where you’d rather they use a quieter voice, make it a game.  Ask them “Can you say that in a whisper?”  “Can you say that like an animal might?”  Before you take your child to quieter places play a Quiet-Loud game.  Say a word loudly and say it quietly.  (You can also do this with instruments.)  Practice a whisper, an outside voice, and an inside voice.  Remind them of these different voices before you go in to a restaurant or library.

#2- Sharing- This could truly be a post of its own but consider this…If a friend came to your house and wanted to borrow a cup of sugar and your best china, you probably wouldn’t think twice about the sugar and might feel some anxiety about the china.  This is not dissimilar from how young children feel about their possessions.  When your child has a play date, have them put away 3-5 toys that they do not have to or want to share,  and 3-5 that they want to play with their friend.  Stick with them during the play date and help support your child.  Reassure them that you will make sure that everyone has a turn.  Next time they’ll find “sharing” easier.

#3-Grocery Shopping- Rather than saying “no” every time they point to, or pick up, an item, play “I Spy” or give them part of the list.  Children have brand recognition from a very young age.  ”Can you point to the Cheerios?”  “Where do you see the carrots?”  “Can you find the cookies with the pink wrapper?”  Older children can help cut the packaging from empty containers or ads to make their own shopping list.  This idea works at home too.  Toddlers, in particular, love to help!  They can find matching socks while you do laundry and sort mixed up toys into containers.

Have specific questions or frustrations?  Have a great tip to share?  Get in touch!  dana@danaskids.com

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ADD and Medication: A Reaction to L. Alan Sroufe’s NY Times Article

February 1st, 2012 | Posted by Dana in ADD and ADHD | ADD and ADHD strategies | behavior | challenges | children | Dana's Kids | NYC ADD support | NYC ADHD support | NYC behavior therapist | NYC parent education | NYC play therapy | parenting | parenting anecdotes | parents | response to NY Times | self-control | special needs - (0 Comments)

By now many of us have read L. Alan Sroufe’s opinion on the use of medication for people, specifically children, with ADD.  He discusses the short term benefit and his belief that in the long term they do nothing for behavior or concentration.  He describes ADD as “problems with attention, self-regulation and behavior.”  Perhaps most strikingly he cites environment and “parental intrusiveness” as causes for Attention Deficit Disorder.  Now, I am not a researcher or doctor, and will not attempt to dispute medical findings (though having read many studies, I wonder what details may have been left out of this article to prove a point).  But in the same way that blaming autism on the “refrigerator mother” was a harmful generalization, misleading, insensitive, and useless, so to is this.

Giving medication to children with ADD should be a choice made by an individual family, for their individual child, with the help of their individual doctor.  In my work I have seen both children who benefit greatly from medication and those for whom medication has been ineffective.  I have seen medication give children the concentration they need to learn coping strategies for managing their “inattention, self-regulation, and behavior” that they otherwise would not have been able to learn.  Again, I won’t argue with medical findings Sroufe includes in his article (though they should be read in full before I”d confirm their value), but in my opinion, he spends far too much time discounting possible remedies and placing blame, rather than offering ways to help.

Below, a link to the original article, a sensitive, well-written, thought-provoking reaction from a parent (one without a child with ADD), and two point by point rebuttals from Harold S. Koplewicz, MD and Edward Hallowell, MD.  Have a thought?  Reaction?  Success or challenge with an ADD/ADHD “treatment?”  Please share it here!

NY Times Opinion: Ritalin Gone Wrong

by: L. Alan Sroufe

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/29/opinion/sunday/childrens-add-drugs-dont-work-long-term.html?_r=1

 

NY Times Motherlode: If Ritalin Has ‘Gone Wrong,’ What’s the Right Way to Cope?

by: KJ Dell’Antonia

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/01/30/if-ritalin-has-gone-wrong-whats-the-right-way-to-cope/

 

“Righting the Record on Ritalin: Why the slam on medications for ADHD is misleading”

by: Harold S. Koplewicz, MD. President Child Mind Institute

http://www.childmind.org/en/posts/articles/2012-1-30-adhd-righting-record-stimulant-medications

 

Ritalin Redux: This popular and beneficial ADHD medication gets a bad rap

by: Edward Hallowell, MD.

http://www.additudemag.com/adhdblogs/11/9378.html

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Tips To Tame Tantrums!

January 31st, 2012 | Posted by Dana in behavior | challenges | children | consistency | developmentally appropriate | limit setting | parenting | positive discipline | self-control | tips | young children - (0 Comments)

Recently, in many of my parent groups and private sessions, tantrums seem to be the topic of choice.  Tantruming is not new to childhood but it seems that every day an expert has a new way to end your child’s tantrums. I say stick with the tried and true…

Before your child tantrums, think about what sets them off.  Why does he or she tantrum?  Think about where your child is developmentally.  Is your 3 year old having a tantrum because you won’t give him something he wants?  Is your 19 month old tantruming because she’s lost control of herself?

When a toddler has a tantrum it is often because they are melting down, tired, or hungry.  Whatever the cause, a toddler does not have the tools to calm their bodies and regain control on their own.  They need you.  At this age I recommend that you sit on the floor next your child, tell them you see they are having a hard time and that you are going to help them calm down.  Some like to be held, others do not want to be touched.  You can ask your child what they prefer, or just try what you think might work and see what happens.  To be clear, this doesn’t mean to give in if the child is demanding something, it just means that you are giving your child what they need.  Something, at that moment, that a toddler can not do for themselves.

As your child gets older, think about their temperament and try these techniques:

Reflect your child’s emotions.   Bend down so that you are level with their eyes.  Try saying, “You are so mad (fill in the emotions) right now.  I know you really wanted that 5th scoop of ice cream but you may not have it.  I understand that makes you feel angry and sad.”  Then move on.  Give your child a choice, should we play with blocks next or take out the crayons.

Give positive alternatives.  Explain to your child that banging that block on his infant brother’s head is not a choice, but he can bang the block on another block, or play the drums if he feels like banging.  Remind your child that banging on another person’s body is not safe.  Ask, “where do you think is a safe place to bang?”

Keep it light.  Use a little humor to diffuse the situation.  When your child is begging you not to go out to dinner, remind them that you have to come home to sleep in your bed.  Ask them “Can grown-ups sleep in a restaurant?  A car?  On the table?  No! How silly!  Grown-ups have to come home to sleep in their beds.”  We even use this idea during the separation process at school.  When your child is having one of those delightful moaning tantrums, reflect their feelings and be silly.   ”You are so mad, I wonder if you can stamp your feet as loud as I can.”

Ignore it.  There are times when a child begins to have a tantrum, that the best thing you can do is simply ignore it.  Check in to be sure your child is safe, but keep yourself out of the tantrum.  If a tree falls in the woods and there is no one there to see it…

Remove them from the situation.  This idea can be interpreted in two ways.  For some children, having a conversation with their grown-up while being distracted by the item they want, the child who has it, or something else that is happening in the environment, is just too much.  For these children, removing them from the situation can mean going into the next room to work through the tantrum in a quieter place.  That being said, sometimes there is no other option than to remove your child from the situation entirely.  If your child has gone past the point of no return, leaving will often give them the opportunity calm their bodies in a less stimulating environment and help them understand that their behavior is unacceptable.

Deciding how to deal with tantrums has a lot to do with your child’s temperament.  I say this often: Parents know their children best.  Think about your child and the way they handle different situations.  Children give us a lot of information every day, from whether they need to be prepared for something new a week before or an hour before, to how to handle their tantrums.  When a tantrum begins, assess the situation, decide on a technique, and set the limit.  Do not tolerate unacceptable behavior.  The consistency in your reactions to tantrums, as with any other behavior, will help your children develop their ability to regulate their own emotions and behaviors.  You can do this!

More questions?  Ask!  dana@danaskids.com

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New Event Added: Tuesday February 7th, 2012 at 11:30am

January 29th, 2012 | Posted by Dana in Activities | Big City Moms | children | Dana's Kids Workshops | developmentally appropriate | Events | infants and toddlers | New York City Parent workshops | NYC parent workshops | parent workshop | parenting | parenting workshops NYC | play | quality time | tips | typical development | young children - (0 Comments)

Join me and Big City Moms

on February 7th, 2012 at 11:30am  for

“Playing With Your Baby”

The first 6 months of your baby’s life are an incredible period of growth and a great opportunity for bonding.  During this lunch you will learn about typical development and creative ways to support your baby through play.   You’ll hear about developmentally appropriate ways to interact with your infant, with a focus on activities for when you’re cooped up in the cold weather.  We’ll also disuss which baby items are must-haves and which are nice-to-haves.  And, of course, there will be plenty of time for Q & A.”

Where:Kidville – 163 East 84th St

Cost: $35 for mom and baby in advance, $40 at the door

RSVP: lunch@bigcitymoms.com or 917-488-8542

Register: http://www.bigcitymoms.com/upcoming_02072012lunch.php

 

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New Event: Tuesday February 7th, 2012 at 6pm

January 27th, 2012 | Posted by Dana in behavior | Dana's Kids Workshops | developmentally appropriate | early childhood | Events | love | New York City Parent workshops | NYC parent workshops | parenting | sibling relationships | siblings | TLB Music | TLB Music workshop | young children - (0 Comments)

Join Dana’s Kids and TLB Music for a new workshop:

“Creating A Sibling Symphony”

 on Tuesday February 7th at 6pm.

During  this workshop parents will find out how to prepare their child for the arrival of a new sibling. We’ll talk about when to tell your child and how to help them transition into their new role as older brother or sister. We’ll also discuss “sibling rivalry” and some of the most common reasons why children fight. Parents will learn how to help siblings resolve conflict, when to intervene, and how to encourage a positive, loving relationship between their children.

 

Where: TLB Music  266 E 78th Street

Tickets: $25

For More Information and To Register for this class: 212-744-0404 or threelittlebirds@tlbmusic.com

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What Do You Mean Sensory Issues?

January 24th, 2012 | Posted by Dana in anxiety | behavior | challenges | occupational therapy | parenting | parents | sensory issues | sensory processing disorder help | special needs | understanding sensory processing disorder | young children - (0 Comments)

Over the years I have met many children who were either overly sensitive, or not sensitive enough, to the world around them.  Today, sensory integration disorder, sensory processing disorder and sensory issues are phrases that get thrown around by educators and therapists frequently.  But for parents these words can be scary and unclear.  When we describe for parents some of the ways these challenges present themselves, they can begin to clearly picture their children and are relieved to know “it’s not supposed to be that way.”  Struggles with sensory processing can be exhibited in a variety of ways.  Young children who have a hard time managing external stimuli can be loud, aggressive and act out, they can be quiet and withdrawn, or they can be somewhere in the middle.  What I try to help parents understand, is that these children are not trying to be difficult.  The environments in which these children live can actually feel painful, scary, or disorienting.

 

I’m often hesitant to recommend reading materials for parents because most books and articles, as they should, cover the gamut of symptoms and behaviors that can be associated with sensory processing disorder.  That can make them initimating and alarming.  That being said, my core beliefs point towards empowering parents through education and support.  I recently came across these two articles from the Child Mind Institute (the 3rd in the series of articles should be out shortly), that I thought were informative and might be helpful: ”Sensory Processing Issues Explained”  and “Treating Sensory Processing Issue.”  I’m also partial to Carol Stock Kranowitz’s, The Out of Sync Child and her book of activities, The Out of Sync Child Has Fun.  In the past I have mentioned the SPD Blogger Network that offers an incredible online community for parents of children with sensory processing disorder to share their thoughts, concerns, challenges and triumphs.  Occupational and behavior therapists, parent educators, sensory gyms, and other professionals are incredibly helpful in identifying sensory issues and supporting children, parents and families as they learn to manage these challenges and integrate coping strategies into their daily lives.  If you have questions or concerns, please reach out for help.  We’re here for you!

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Dana’s Kids is New York Family’s January 2012 Scoop

January 12th, 2012 | Posted by Dana in Dana's Kids | Dana's Kids and New York Family | NYC behavior therapist | NYC in home parent education | NYC parent education - (0 Comments)

Check out New York Family for their coverage of Dana’s Kids in the

January 2012: Scoop

I’m so proud to have been included!

http://www.newyorkfamily.com/newyork/article-903-january-2012-scoop.html

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