Dana’s Kids Blog

Recently, more and more early childhood programs have opened their doors to children with a variety of needs.  These integrated and inclusive communities are wonderful places for all children to learn and are fantastic in a multitude of other ways.  The law says that children with special needs must be educated in the Least Restrictive Environment (LRE).  Very often, that environment is a general education classroom, or a program or class for typically developing children.  Typically developing children serve as wonderful models for children with special needs.  Children with special needs teach typically developing children about diversity and bring a wealth of skills and education that they also model in the classroom.  I could write more about why and how the best inclusive classrooms work, but that’s not why I am writing this post. 

The truth of the matter is that more often than not, children in early childhood programs don’t recognize their peers as being different.  In fact, while we frequently discuss the things that make us each unique, we generally don’t bring up ”special needs” unless a student asks.  That is one of the joys of young children.  To them, the child with special needs is simply another friend.  The title of this post “Why does he have that?” is something I do hear occasionally from children.  I’ll hear the statement while brushing a child, if they are sitting in a chair at meeting time to help contain their body, or if they are mouthing a chewy tube for oral input.  The best part is that the typically developing child is not asking because they see that child as different, instead they are asking because they want one too!  That’s an important message.  Certainly chewy tubes can not be shared, but I will brush a typically developing child if they are curious about it. 

When children ask about an item that a child with special needs is using, I consistently respond (in a neutral, matter-of-fact tone) with “Everyone gets what they need and everyone needs something different.”  If a typically developing child wants a chair because a child with special needs is using one, I will repeat that statement and add “is that what your body needs right now?”  If they say “yes,” they may have a chair.  In this way, all children are learning to tune in to and manage their bodies and are developing the ability to evaluate and ask for what they need.  This phrase can be used during school, at afterschool classes, the park, and other times when your child with special needs is using an assistive device (for example: a PECS communication book, wheelchair, deep pressure vest, hand fidget).  It can also be helpful when your typically developing young child asks about one of these items. 

The anxiety associated with talking about special needs is usually reserved for adults.  Children consider the things they are “used to,” to be the norm.  They read your cues.  If “everyone gets what they need and everyone needs something different” is presented as a fact, children will believe it.  Let’s take a page from the young child’s handbook and simply accept the people around us for who they are.  Set the example.  If we can, the world will be a better place for us all.

(Note: As children get older or are interacting with individuals who have more severe challenges, they may have additional questions.  Keep an eye out for a post with resources to support this discussion.  Conversation is also incredibly important for the siblings of children with special needs so that they have an understanding of their brother and sister.  This will also be a topic in a separate post.)

Whenever I speak to parents about discipline, amongst other things, we discuss developmentally appropriate expectations, consistency, positive alternatives, and immediate, natural consequences.  Immediate, natural consequences are particularly important to explain because often, they don’t come immediately or naturally, to a grown up. 

First things first: what is an immediate, natural consequence?  Using positive discipline begins by teaching babies to be cooperative and as children grow in to toddlers, setting limits for them.  When children are learning the things that they can and cannot do, what is safe and not safe, parents can give positive alternatives (keep an eye out for an upcoming post on this topic) or a consequence for their behavior.  Choosing a consequence that occurs right away and fits the “crime,” adds meaning and increases the likelihood that it will have an impact on your child. 

Now some examples for clarity: If your dear daughter knocks her brother down while they are playing in the morning, taking away a bedtime television show would be inappropriate.  Not only is that too many hours away for a young child to remember and connect to, it is also disconnected from what she has done.  Instead, have her check on her brother to be sure he is okay.  Perhaps she’ll need to play with whatever game he has chosen, rather than choosing her own.  Maybe she’ll need to take a break to calm her body until she can play safely with her brother.  On another occasion your loving son may run down the street on the way to school, scaring the bejeezus out of you and clearly defying your rule that he hold on to his stroller while he walks.  Telling him he can’t have ice cream when you go to the park in the evening is neither an immediate, nor natural, consequence.  Rather, explain to him that when he runs down the street, he is telling you he can’t walk safely.  You might choose to give him a second chance or you might say that when he runs down the street he isn’t being safe, and that means he needs to be in his stroller.  In a few minutes, he can try again to walk safely. 

You’ll need to consider your child, the behavior, your family rules, and the type of discipline you have used in the past, when creating your own immediate, natural consequences that will be effective.  Using positive discipline is what I consider “best practice.”  It’s the response grown-ups hope they will have in reaction to their children’s behavior.  Unfortunately, it doesn’t always happen that way.  Grown ups are human and sometimes we yell or react in another way wish we hadn’t.  By thinking ahead of time about some of the situations that come up for our children, and getting in to the habit of using immediate, natural consequences, we can handle these situations better and more easily.   Even if you haven’t used positive discipline with your child in the past, if you commit to the technique and are consistent, positive alternatives, limit setting and immediate, natural consequences can be effective.  Positive discipline helps your child internalize the rules.  Have questions about immediate, natural consequences for a specific situation?  Post them here or send me an email.  I’m here to help!

All children love seeing themselves and the important people in their lives in photographs.  For babies, photo albums can be used to support language development, recognition of their loved ones and caregivers, and are a great transition object for day care.  Toddlers enjoy labeling all of the people and things they know.  For twos and threes, photographs help with separation at school and camp, they can be used for setting up schedules (children at this age thrive on routine), and can teach children about flexibility.  Threes and older love recalling events like trips to the farm, Halloween, and visiting family and friends that live far away.  A series of photographs can be used for sequencing activities and promote telling stories with a beginning, middle, and end.  Photo albums are a terrific tool for helping children through moves from one house to another, can ease the anxiety and unpredictability that may arise during divorce or separation, and are great for children with special needs.  Give it a try!  Thinking about using photos or a photo album with your child and not sure how to proceed? Get in touch: Dana@DanasKids.com

I thought about naming this post “big work for little hands” but decided to go with the title you see above.  That being said, my discarded title brings up an important point.  I believe strongly that typically developing children accomplish tasks when they are ready.  Developmentally, not all little hands are ready for big work.  The activities and materials below will help prepare your child’s hands and fingers for writing and other fine motor skills by strengthening muscles, developing dexterity, and exposing children to fine motor experiences.

1. Play dough and Theraputty- Whether you buy play dough or make your own, squeezing, rolling, pinching and cutting are great activities for hand strength.  To add another challenge, Theraputty is like play dough with extra resistance.  The product comes in multiple colors where each color is a different level of resistance.  For children with special needs, Theraputty’s texture is more like silly putty than play dough which can be helpful, in addition to the numerous hand strengthening activities to which it lends itself.  Let your child pull, squeeze, and roll to their hearts desire.  Hiding small items in both play dough and Theraputty is fun and another fine motor skill builder. 

2. Broken, Triangle, or Finger crayons- Broken crayons naturally put children’s hands into the tripod grip they will eventually use for writing and more advanced drawing.  (Note: Some children will use modified grips, which are appropriate as well.)  Triangle crayons also lend themselves to proper finger placement, while finger crayons strengthen the whole hand when place in the palm.  Repeated use of crayons will help children feel more proficient in creating marks, letters, etc. and will naturally strengthen fine motor muscles.

3. Hole and Paper Punches-Both products are great for working on hand and finger strength, dexterity and using a helper hand to manipulate paper while the other hand presses the punch.   I find it helpful to cut a regular 8 1/2 x 11 inch paper into four pieces.  You can give children glue and extra paper and have them make collages.  For younger children, tape contact paper sticky side up to a table and let them place the pieces on top.  Plus, children love having these items for craft and other projects.

4. Zoo Sticks and Chopsticks-You can buy official Zoo Sticks or go to your closest Asian restaurant and ask them to set up chopsticks for a child (they’ll do this with the paper wrapper and a rubber band).  Chopsticks can be used for eating, sorting materials (cotton balls, small animal figures, beans, etc), searching for hidden items in sand and much more.  Both Zoo Sticks and chopsticks can improve hand and finger strength, hand-eye coordination, and add intrigue to a meal for even the pickiest eater.

5. Windup toys and Mini Squeeze Rocket- Two great games for working on finger and hand strength.  Wind-up toys are a delight to young children.  They take some getting used to and children may ask for help initially, but with some practice they’ll be able to get them going and will really “fine-tune” their fingers.  The Mini Squeeze Rocket is another game that will have children squealing with delight.  What they may not realize is that the squeeze motion is strengthening their arms and hands while they play.

The challenge of this list was that it could go on and on!  There are so many ways to support your young child’s fine motor development.  Stay tuned for 5 more!

The Stomp Rocket Ultra and Stomp Rocket Junior are some of my favorite activities to use with children.  While they recommend you use these toys outside, with a few precautions (moving breakable items), I think the Stomp Rocket Junior can be a perfect activity for working on gross motor development while inside.  It’s a great way for ALL children to use those “big” muscles while inside on a rainy or snowy day. 

Children with low muscle tone are easily enticed by this toy and can work on jumping with two feet, landing on a target, as well as other developmental goals.  Children with special needs can also use the Stomp Rocket Junior to enhance their visual-tracking skills.  Both Stomp Rockets attract all children which can be a helpful aid for children working on social skills.  Every child using the Stomp Rocket will improve their understanding of cause and effect and most importantly, it’s fun!

Having a successful relationship with your partner helps you both be more effective parents.  Here are some tips for building that relationship.

1. Be a team: We often hear “there’s no /i/ in team.”  This is never more true than in building a spousal relationship.  If one of you has an issue, it is a problem for both of you.  Be sure to validate your spouses concerns, and work on a solution together.  Invalidating feeings can lead to anger, disappointment and resentment.
2. Listen: Everyone wants to be listened to.  Listening to your spouse and feeling that your spouse has really heard you, will make a positive impact on your relationship.  Effective listeners face the speaker, ignore or get rid of other distractions, make eye contact, keep an open mind, repeat back what they have heard, and respond appropropriately.  Give it a try!
3. Take care of each other: In the same way we teach children to make their needs known, adults need to learn to express themselves.  Last I heard, mind-reading was a myth.  Tell your spouse what feels good for you and what doesn’t.  True understanding of each other’s needs will bring an added level of intimacy to your relationship.
4. Remember that we all fight: A wise woman once told me “it’s not about whether you fight, cause we all fight, it’s about how you resolve conflict.”  Reflect on the way you and your spouse resolve conflict.  Is it working?  What do you do with your anger?   How do you let it go or move beyond it?  How does your spouse?  Do the two styles mesh?  When discussing discipline and difficult situations with children, I remind parents that reconnecting is essential.   Reconnecting with a spouse after conflict is just as important.  You always love them even if you don’t like their behavior.
5. If you need help, ask for it:  This idea starts with asking for help from each other.  If you are feeling challenged by a particular situation with the children or in your daily life, ask your spouse for help.  When you have reached a point where you are having repeated difficulty resolving issues with your spouse and managing your relationship, go to a professional for help.  That’s what we’re here for!

Overall, try to have realistic expectations.  The transition from being a single person, to a partnership, to a family, is a huge one!  Relationships are something you are always working at.  Reflection is an important piece of the equation.  As your relationship grows and evolves, re-evaluate what works and what doesn’t.  Then make changes.   You can do this!  You, your spouse, your family, and your children, will reap the benefits.

Dana’s Kids

empowered parents, happy families.

Here’s a wonderful tidbit from a recent parent workshop I conducted.  I was talking with a group of working parents about the guilt they were feeling.  The conversation progressed to purchasing items for children and whether or not that assuages some of the guilt.  The truth of the matter is that whether they are working or not, most parents feel guilt from time to time.  Whether connected to the guilt or not, many are inclined to give their children the things they didn’t have when they were children themselves.  One of the mothers in the group chimed in with an important message.  “Of course my child is spoiled,” she explained, “but she’s not rotten.”  This is a powerful distinction.  We often hear about teaching children an “attitude of gratitude.”   I encourage all parents to help their children learn to be appreciative and evaluate the difference between what they need and what they want (even if they receive their “wants” from time to time).  Because in the end, it’s not so bad to have a child who is spoiled, but rotten is a whole other story!

These days, we’re all trying to be a little kinder and gentler to our environment.  My reaction to this concept is the same reaction I have to most parenting advice…it has to be practical for the person using it.  I love Lunchskins because they are just that, practical!  Lunchskins are reusable sandwich (or snack) bags that make “going green” easy.   According to their website “In 2010, Lunchskins saved 20 million baggies from going in to landfills.”  They are dishwasher safe and can be personalized for your child with a marker on the nameplate.  Best of all, children are more likely to bring them home than tupperware, because they can be easily shoved into a pocket or bag.  The website has some great ideas for other ways to use these handy little bags.  Check them out!

1.  Read 2 to 3 books a day with a clear beginning and ending.

• Books can vary in length
• Be creative in your reading style (i.e., singing the words, playing with character voices, changing your speech).
• It is ok to skip pages based on your child’s attention span.
• Make books accessible throughout the day.
• The best time for reading is after lunchtime or before bedtime.

2.  Starting at infancy, narrate your activities/environment throughout the day.

• For example, while getting ready to leave the house explain where you are going, what you will be doing and explain why you are putting on your coat.

3.  Incorporated music and nursery rhymes into your baby’s day.

• Play music in the car (i.e., Laurie Berkner)
• Play music in the background during playtime.
• Read and/or say nursery rhymes to your child (encourage them to imitate you).

 4.  Turn-taking is important for acquiring language.

• Engage your child in turn-taking babbling (i.e., if they produce a sound, imitate their sound back to them). This encourages more vocalizations and verbalizations.

5.  Encourage your child to play with sounds, voice and words throughout the day.

• This begins with the babbling, turn-taking activity above.
• When your child appears to be making requests through gestures and/or sounds (e.g., juice, toys, and picking them up), model the intended word.When your child is beginning to produce words, imitate their word with an additional word (preferably verbs) For example, if the child says “Up,” the parent could say “want up.”
• Remember, excessive pacifier use throughout the day will affect your child’s language use and speech production.

Stay tuned for “5 Ways to Enrich Your Child’s Language Development (3-5 years old)!”

Speech/Language Pathologists:

Wendy Foote M.A., CCC-SLP: Wendy has worked as a speech language pathologist for 10 years.  She currently works as a school based therapist, Early Interventionist, and provides private, home-based therapy for children in Manhattan. Feel free to contact her at: psufoote@gmail.com

Laura Giannetta M.S., CCC-SLP: Laura has worked as a speech language pathologist for 5 years.  She currently works as a school based therapist, Early Interventionist, and provides private, home-based therapy for children in Brooklyn. Feel free to contact her at: lgiannetta@optonline.net

Wondering how your child’s temperament influences the effectiveness of your parenting style?  Read my recent article for Babybites!

http://www.babybites.com/03/14/temperament-and-parenting-style/